It's been about a month since we found out that we would need to pursue fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. I think it was the day after JF's results came back, after we talked about what choice we wanted to make, that JF called the fertility doctor. We made an appointment for the next week, and went to meet the doctor. I remember that they explained that I would need to have a lot of tests done in order to understand my cycle's and make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with me. The nurse explained that I would need to have three procedures to look at my ovaries, my uterus, and to make sure that my ovaries weren't blocked. We also had to get bloodwork done and we had to do all of the tests in a certain order, on certain days. I left that appointment and was completely overwhelmed.
I can't explain what it felt like to be thrust into an immediate whirlwind. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy process, and I was thankful that at least our problem had a foreseeable solution...but what I felt like that cold, February morning is that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm not sure if overhwelmed is the right word, because I felt like my head was spinning, that I needed to compartmentalize the reality of it all. I was scared. I was sad. I was tumbling, stumbling, and drowning after only the first appointment.
That was the day I became 760122, my patient ID at the fertility clinic. I didn't know the number that day, but I sure felt like that's what I was becoming: just another cog in a great big wheel that was turning my world upside down. The day I became 760122, I think that what made it feel so huge is that I walked in a curious bystander, but walked out on a much different path: the path to become a mother.
I can't explain what it felt like to be thrust into an immediate whirlwind. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy process, and I was thankful that at least our problem had a foreseeable solution...but what I felt like that cold, February morning is that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm not sure if overhwelmed is the right word, because I felt like my head was spinning, that I needed to compartmentalize the reality of it all. I was scared. I was sad. I was tumbling, stumbling, and drowning after only the first appointment.
That was the day I became 760122, my patient ID at the fertility clinic. I didn't know the number that day, but I sure felt like that's what I was becoming: just another cog in a great big wheel that was turning my world upside down. The day I became 760122, I think that what made it feel so huge is that I walked in a curious bystander, but walked out on a much different path: the path to become a mother.
