IUI 1: Day 1

As soon as I hit "publish post" I got my period. Literally.

So, today is officially "day 1" and the ride is beginning. I wasn't expecting to start for another couple days, so it's a bit of a shock and a bit of bad timing. See, April was my big month of travel...and I thought, until today, that with the timing of things I'd have one free and clear week that coincides perfectly without me travelling...and well, now that day 1 is here - my day 12 lands smack in the middle of a trip that has long been planned and anticipated...a trip 'home' to LexVegas for a reunion of many friends. After some freaking out - and a call to SEDW and Vee, I was able to find out from my nurse and doctor that a slight change in my schedule (on both mine and the treatment parts) should allow a nice compromise. I'll go to LexVegas as planned, but come home a day early...just starting my Clomid one day later - so that I can trigger on day 13. That means as of right now, and assuming I'm all systems go on day 13 - we'll do the IUI on April 11 and 12th!

It's so crazy how fast this train is moving. Almost like there hasn't been a second to question or to even slow down...we've just been going full steam ahead ever since our first appointment (it was a month ago today). It's also amazing to me to think of the full gamut of emotions I have felt in that time. Confused, sad, anxious, irritable, overwhelmed, excited, ready...

...and, today I know one thing: I am ready.

It's Almost Time and How We're Making a Baby...

Yesterday, we had our follow up appointment with the doctor who explained that all my tests came back great for someone my age (34). He explained that the normal egg (or follicle?) count for someone under 35 is 10-20, I have 11. My HSG (test to make sure the ovaries are not blocked) showed everything looking good, no blockages, bloodwork all fine, and wouldn't you know it? My uterus looks good, too. Woot.

Now that we know more about my insides than I ever thought I would, we are going to go through our first cycle of IUI starting with my next menstral cycle, which should start any day. The doctor, who I like more and more every single time I see him, explained the process:

• The first day of my period, I will call to make an appointment to come in on day 3
• Day 3: Ultrasound and bloodwork
• Days 3-7: Take 50mg of Clomid to help stimulate egg production
• Day 12: Ultrasound
• On day 12 they will determine if I am beginning to come into ovulation or if I need another day or two - if I need more time, I will come back for another ultrasound, then on day 12 or a couple days later--when my body says I'm "ready" I will give myself a shot of Ovudril (HCG) that will trigger the release of the egg
• I call the sperm bank to go pick up our little swimmers!
• The two days after the "trigger shot" I will go for IUI
• I take prometrium (progesterone) to help support a pregnancy for 14 days while we wait to see if the procedure was successsful--only confirmed by a blood test

If the procedure wasn't successful, they will take me off the prometrium - which will trigger my period and we'll start the cycle all over again.

I was a little skeptical thinking that we'd have to wait until May to start, because I'm travelling every other week right now for work...and travelling a LOT in April. But, I believe I'm likely to begin my cycle this week - a little earlier than thought - so it looks like I'll be able to make some changes to my schedule and go through the first round this month!

I'm a little nervous, a lot excited, and really ready to begin. I'm not expecting the IUI to work the first time, it's only about a 20% chance--about the same as trying naturally. We will go through this treatment regime for 3 cycles. If we are not pregnant after 3 cycles then we'd go to a little more agressive IUI. We have not considered IVF at this time - mostly because it looks like I will be ok (in theory) and that in this controlled environment it's considered ideal.

We also selected our donor and bought 9 vials of sperm last week. I used to look for boys to date online, but there is something much more bizarre about going online to find a sperm donor!!! More on that to come...but for now, we wait for the one last thing that mother nature will be able to do on her own here...tell us it's time to begin.

Becoming 760122

It's been about a month since we found out that we would need to pursue fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. I think it was the day after JF's results came back, after we talked about what choice we wanted to make, that JF called the fertility doctor. We made an appointment for the next week, and went to meet the doctor. I remember that they explained that I would need to have a lot of tests done in order to understand my cycle's and make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with me. The nurse explained that I would need to have three procedures to look at my ovaries, my uterus, and to make sure that my ovaries weren't blocked. We also had to get bloodwork done and we had to do all of the tests in a certain order, on certain days. I left that appointment and was completely overwhelmed.

I can't explain what it felt like to be thrust into an immediate whirlwind. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy process, and I was thankful that at least our problem had a foreseeable solution...but what I felt like that cold, February morning is that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm not sure if overhwelmed is the right word, because I felt like my head was spinning, that I needed to compartmentalize the reality of it all. I was scared. I was sad. I was tumbling, stumbling, and drowning after only the first appointment.

That was the day I became 760122, my patient ID at the fertility clinic. I didn't know the number that day, but I sure felt like that's what I was becoming: just another cog in a great big wheel that was turning my world upside down. The day I became 760122, I think that what made it feel so huge is that I walked in a curious bystander, but walked out on a much different path: the path to become a mother. 

Dear Child(ren),

As I sit down to chronicle the path that your father and I are taking, I thought I should start with what I would say to you, dear child(ren). As you read these words, you may find yourself asking a lot of questions about how you came to be. Our journey together won't start out the same way as most of the kids at school, or down the street, or in these ridiculous things people call "play dates." Some kids you meet will have a story like ours, because as momma realized just last week, there are a lot of people out there like us, too. What I want you to know before we go any further is that you were loved before we even knew how you would come to us, and that we wanted you more than we even knew.

You see, parents who start their lives together are full of imagination and dreams and laughter for all they want to make a reality. Your father and I built you a big (ridiculously big) house because we always imagined having children that would fill it up, make it even louder than it already is, and to watch you grow up here--knowing what dirt and playing outside felt like. We started living our dreams with you in them before the first ounce of dirt was moved on this land, before the day we walked through the doors to spend our first night in your home, and in all the smiles of little children we have met since. Your father and I are completely and totally in love with each other, and have been since we became friends in 2007. He is my best friend, and I hope that one day you will know and find love as wonderful as I have found with him. Your father and I are dreamers, believers, do-ers and we live in a world filled with the dreams and laughter that we create. We are so blessed.

A couple of years ago we made a decision to try to have children, and though we weren't obsessed with becoming parents, or trying to the point of precision, after two years it started to seem like something might be wrong. Our neighbor referred me to a doctor, who started a bunch of tests, and gave your dad a referral to go get some tests done as well. Neither of us thought much about it, and figured we probably should just try harder. It was at the end of January that the doctor told your dad that he had a hormone level that was extremely high, and that because of that, it was very unlikely that he would be able to have children. A couple weeks later, that test was confirmed and we found out for certain that was no way for us to have children that were 100% genetically ours, probably because of a medical issue your dad had when he was very young. The doctor told him that there were three options for having children: do nothing, adopt, or find a sperm donor.

We talked and very quickly (the very same night), made our first decision: we absolutely wanted to have children. Then we made the second: we wanted to experience having children that were ours from the very beginning. That meant that we made the choice to have momma get pregnant another way. Our final decision was the only choice and the biggest decision that we have ever made together: we would look to create our family with the generous gift of a sperm donor so that you could be our child(ren).

Now, I know this might be confusing, and believe me, it was (and is) confusing to us, too. But what I will tell you is this...that night, we made a choice to do whatever we could to bring you in this world. I wanted a chronicle of our journey bringing you into our lives so that one day when you have questions and are looking for answers, that you will have them. I want to be open with you and maybe sometimes I will write things here that make you sad, or that you will read and then understand that it was sometimes hard for us. Making the right best choice is never easy, because there is never a right or wrong way to go about it. You just put your faith in your decision, you say a little prayer when you make it, and you learn along the way. Never forget: it's the journey of seeing your choice come to pass that makes everything so worthwhile.

Remember this, I never want you to doubt for one second--it was all worth it. Because, you my sweet child(ren), our sweet child(ren), are in every way the manifestation of the love your father and I have, and have always, had for each other. You are the reality of all of our hopes, all of our laughter, all our dreams, every silent prayer, and every wish we had and will have for you in your life to come.

I am 760122, I'm trying to become your mother, and this is your story of how you came to be...