I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck at 40 mph. I haven't wanted to do anything much more than sleep since late Sunday. I'm experiencing mood swings!!!!!, headache, nausea, some depression, oh and the hot flashes they are awesome! I would curl up on the couch or my bed right now if given the opportunity (or if I didn't have to hold down a J-O-B. Pretty much I feel absolutely lousy and I'm glad tonight is the last pill.
I leave in 2 days for LexVegas, and I'm feeling a little mixed up about it. I really can't wait to see my friends -- some of whom I haven't seen in several years. But I am kind of dreading the inevitable - it will be a total drunk fest on Friday from sun up to sun down. I am worried I'll enjoy myself so much that I'll forget that I'm trying to get preggo 2 days later! Who knows, maybe this good-time gal will learn how to control herself and stick to water instead of 400 Miller Lites and a pack of smokes.
The last few days of craziness have had me stuck inside my head again and I've come to the realization that I'm compartmentalizing my feelings and still scared of what next week will bring. I know that I do want to have children, but I'm scared of becoming a mother--I'm scared of not being a good mother. I'm scared that I will always be selfish and that I won't grow up. I don't want to be scared or selfish. I want to be a good mother who makes good choices. I decided to start seeing a therapist to have someone to talk to about this process and about some of my other vices that I won't go into here. I can't get into see her until the 20th of this month, but at least I have it to look towards.
This time next week I may have had my two IUI's and I'll be in waiting mode. I'm scared and anxious. But I have hope that it will work and a new chapter will begin - and I will begin again, too, in the right direction.
I leave in 2 days for LexVegas, and I'm feeling a little mixed up about it. I really can't wait to see my friends -- some of whom I haven't seen in several years. But I am kind of dreading the inevitable - it will be a total drunk fest on Friday from sun up to sun down. I am worried I'll enjoy myself so much that I'll forget that I'm trying to get preggo 2 days later! Who knows, maybe this good-time gal will learn how to control herself and stick to water instead of 400 Miller Lites and a pack of smokes.
The last few days of craziness have had me stuck inside my head again and I've come to the realization that I'm compartmentalizing my feelings and still scared of what next week will bring. I know that I do want to have children, but I'm scared of becoming a mother--I'm scared of not being a good mother. I'm scared that I will always be selfish and that I won't grow up. I don't want to be scared or selfish. I want to be a good mother who makes good choices. I decided to start seeing a therapist to have someone to talk to about this process and about some of my other vices that I won't go into here. I can't get into see her until the 20th of this month, but at least I have it to look towards.
This time next week I may have had my two IUI's and I'll be in waiting mode. I'm scared and anxious. But I have hope that it will work and a new chapter will begin - and I will begin again, too, in the right direction.
