June 6, 2011
It's a little funny to me that this time I've had a stronger dose of Clomid, and stuck to the normal day 3-7 dosing schedule, but apparently my body doesn't want to co-operate just yet. I got checked on Friday, Sunday, and again this morning, and I think I'm finally ready to go tonight. Good news is I have two follicles that look like they are mature, bad news is, I have to drive to Rockville for both IUI's this time...it's about 1 hour + each way, so it's not real conveinent either. I was feeling pretty good about going through the process again, I think until standing at the receptionist desk at the clinic this morning trying to schedule those two IUIs. It was just like nothing was possible as far as scheduling, and I half expected them to tell me "sorry, you'll just have to wait another month." The waiting room was packed again this morning, and I think that also freaks me out. So many people have a problem getting pregnant on their own. It just continues to amaze me. It also gives me such sadness. I stood there at the receptionist desk with tears in my eyes, trying to hold them back to mask my disappointment that I wouldn't be able to have MY doctor, MY nurse there with ME...again. I think a combination of hormones and tiredness of course isn't the best mix for me, but, I just really kind of lost it and spent a good hour of the morning in tears.
My friend, The Belgian, and his girlfriend/wife and kids were visiting for the past almost week and it was nice to have someone to listen to me talk it out and reassure me that I'm not crazy (although, I think I really am) and that what I've been dealing with is kind of normal. I want really want to believe that, but sometimes I wonder because I feel so stuck inside my head sometimes...
June 7, 2011
As I was typing this (now yesterday), my very awesome nurse called to tell me that she told the scheduling person that I HAD to come to the regular office for the IUI's -- so they got me in, for both rounds. I can't tell you how grateful I am for her, and for that. For whatever reason, knowing that I was going to have to go to another doctor, in a far away place was such a small thing that suddenly completely overwhelmed me. For me, I guess in part its sitting around in an office filled with so many sad people, knowing you're another number in this great big machine, and every personal element (your nurse, your doctor, the familiarity of at least that office) gets stripped away, it just reminds you of why you're there in the first place, and it reminds you that you are only one thing to them: 760122.
My nurse, is the silver lining...and by just making an extra effort for me to get into my office today and tomorrow, really, really, helped give me back some perspective. It just really hit me again:
It's a little funny to me that this time I've had a stronger dose of Clomid, and stuck to the normal day 3-7 dosing schedule, but apparently my body doesn't want to co-operate just yet. I got checked on Friday, Sunday, and again this morning, and I think I'm finally ready to go tonight. Good news is I have two follicles that look like they are mature, bad news is, I have to drive to Rockville for both IUI's this time...it's about 1 hour + each way, so it's not real conveinent either. I was feeling pretty good about going through the process again, I think until standing at the receptionist desk at the clinic this morning trying to schedule those two IUIs. It was just like nothing was possible as far as scheduling, and I half expected them to tell me "sorry, you'll just have to wait another month." The waiting room was packed again this morning, and I think that also freaks me out. So many people have a problem getting pregnant on their own. It just continues to amaze me. It also gives me such sadness. I stood there at the receptionist desk with tears in my eyes, trying to hold them back to mask my disappointment that I wouldn't be able to have MY doctor, MY nurse there with ME...again. I think a combination of hormones and tiredness of course isn't the best mix for me, but, I just really kind of lost it and spent a good hour of the morning in tears.
My friend, The Belgian, and his girlfriend/wife and kids were visiting for the past almost week and it was nice to have someone to listen to me talk it out and reassure me that I'm not crazy (although, I think I really am) and that what I've been dealing with is kind of normal. I want really want to believe that, but sometimes I wonder because I feel so stuck inside my head sometimes...
June 7, 2011
As I was typing this (now yesterday), my very awesome nurse called to tell me that she told the scheduling person that I HAD to come to the regular office for the IUI's -- so they got me in, for both rounds. I can't tell you how grateful I am for her, and for that. For whatever reason, knowing that I was going to have to go to another doctor, in a far away place was such a small thing that suddenly completely overwhelmed me. For me, I guess in part its sitting around in an office filled with so many sad people, knowing you're another number in this great big machine, and every personal element (your nurse, your doctor, the familiarity of at least that office) gets stripped away, it just reminds you of why you're there in the first place, and it reminds you that you are only one thing to them: 760122.
My nurse, is the silver lining...and by just making an extra effort for me to get into my office today and tomorrow, really, really, helped give me back some perspective. It just really hit me again:
I continue to feel overwhelmed and struggle to make sense of all of this.
I've also come to a realization....
No comments:
Post a Comment