Honey, I don't think that's gas!

The most profound experience of pregnancy I have had so far has been feeling you both kick and move around. I cannot express how much I love feeling you and knowing you are there. I always wondered what it really felt like when my friends would say "the baby's kicking," when they were pregnant. In so many ways I didn't think I'd ever know what they meant...and now I do! What a wonderful thing it is to feel the jabs, to feel you stretching in your restricted spaces, to laugh when you don't like it that my bladder is full so you start punching me even more so I'll empty it!

It's really becoming real. You both, are becoming real. You both are developing personalities, and my bond with each of you already feels different...unique, almost. Baby A...you are my mover and shaker,  you like me to sit / lay a certain way, and when I shift, you let me know. You dance on my bladder when it's full, and you flutter around a lot after I have coffee. Every time I see you in the ultrasound, you have your hands above your head...that's the way I like to sleep, too. Baby B...you are going to be my snuggler, I think. You move and stretch almost like you're giving me a hug, not as often as your brother, but almost softer and quieter. You reserve most of your movement for the evenings, and it's you that I see bumping my belly up and down. I call you each by your names now, and I think your names fit you already.

Your room is being painted this week, and your furniture is being delivered in the next few days. Soon, your room will be ready, which is almost too much to comprehend! We are 23 weeks and 3 days along...which means we will hit a big milestone on Saturday at 24 weeks. That means, that if you were to come out from here on, you'd have a pretty good chance of making it. But by the looks of things, I think you'll stay put for a LOT longer. You haven't given me any trouble at all so far, and I think you kind of like being cozy in there. I think you've got another 13-15 more weeks of growing before we get to see your little faces.

I am really getting excited to meet you. I've started to sing to you our French song that dad taught us, as well as songs I make up about the dogs and cat. I like to sing the one about Piper Rose and her little bitty nose. I've decided you will have to hear Guns N' Roses when you come out, so that we can sing "Sweet Child O'Mine" at the top of our lungs as you get bigger.

My boys!!! We are going to have fun and play and dream and do gross boy things. I can't wait to know you and love you.

PS: I've gained 34 pounds. Yowza.

Week 21...And Measuring 32

Little boys, you are a growin!!!

Full anatomy scan was held last Friday (13th) and you two look spectacular! In fact, you are both doing so well you're in your upper percentiles for growth! Baby A - a whopping 94th percentile and weighing in at 1 pound, you're measuring 22 weeks! And my Baby B - a very fine 79th percentile and weighing in at 15 oz (just shy of a pound), measuring 21 weeks (right on track!). You both were super squirmy and moving all the time, and both of you love having your hands over your face. I think you can even see that Baby A is sucking his thumb in the picture above! Baby A is head down in my pelvis, with his feet up towards my ribs, and B is inverse from him (head in ribs, feet in pelvis). You boys better not kick each others heads too much!!!

I am sure growing with you. About 3 weeks ago, our growth spurt kicked into full gear. Boy, oh boy, we are getting bigger!!! I saw the OB today, and he says I'm measuring 32 weeks, even though I'm just 21. That means I am about the same size I would be if there were only one of you and we were 9 weeks further along! I think I'll need my own zip code by the time you come.

Yesterday, I felt one of you kick/punch or roll over for the first time. I was sitting on the couch with Piper (little dog) on my lap and thought I saw her head bounce on my belly. I had a strange sensation like it was happening again, so I put my hand on my belly and low and behold, felt a big push! It really felt like a little round thing pushing me, so I'm wondering if you are doing flips Baby A, and are now head to head with your brother.

We are starting to get ready for you guys. I figure I have 14-16 weeks left, which seems like no time. I picked out the color for your room, and your bedding last week. Now I need to get the painters here and get your stuff all situated because before you know it, you will be here and we'll all be trying to survive! :-)

Oh, and on January 3 I lost my job. The good news is that I found a consulting position less than 24 hours later that will let me work about 20 hours a week until the end of March, and then when I go back to work in September, I can do about the same so that I can spend time with you guys and ease back into the workforce. God sure does work in mysterious ways - but I am so thankful for the time I have been given to not be stressed out and just focused on getting my boys here! We are so blessed little ones. So, so blessed.

And we have officially picked your names! I think they are super cool and good manly names for you two. Although I'm so nervous about becoming a mom (seeing as I'm 35 years set in my ways), I am getting SO excited to meet you and see your faces. My peas in a pod, my boys, my sons! We love you so much already.

December 12: The Day We Found Out What Color To Paint Your Room

Baby A!

Baby B

There are my baby BOYS!!!!!

At our 16 week ultrasound, the tech asked us if we wanted to find out what we were having, and of course we said YES! After the surprise of being pregnant, then the news that we were expecting twins, we felt certain that we didn't need to wait until you were born to get another surprise! I was convinced you were a boy and a girl - but when the ultrsound tech told us that you were each a boy, it was completely overwhelming. I have to admit...I didn't know what in the world I was going to do with two little guys at first! I think it's because of growing up in a family where it was just me and my sister...boys were just such foreign concepts to me. But after a couple of hours, all I could think about was how awesome it will be to see you grow up on this land - playing in the dirt, and exploring, and doing gross boy things!!! I love that you both will always have a buddy, and that you are two of the same, and that you will have so many things to do and learn as you grow up. Also, your father will have help to tend to the garden, bees, and landscaping. I figure I'll have to teach you about things like football, basketball, and drinking beer as your French papa isn't really as in tune with those things ;-)!

You're also quite the travellers thus far. My job has had me travelling quite a bit over the last couple of years, and this year, I've spent much time commuting to Atlanta - so you've been on an airplane to Atlanta several times, as well as to the UK at the end of November, then your dad and I went on a vacation to Hawaii the first week of December. You were also with me as I went to Columbus, OH, where my side of the family lives for a couple weeks this month. Unfortunately, your great-grandfather, my grandfather, got very sick and passed away on December 21. It has been a very sad time, but we have been surrounded in love, and he was so excited about you boys.

It looks like my job will be coming to an end in the next week, and I will get to spend the next four months before your arrival really focusing on you and getting ready for you to come! We have our next ultrasound in 17 days, where they will do a big scan of all your anatomy to make sure you both are growing and developing as perfectly as I know you are!

OH! And we have picked your names...we think. We definitely have picked one...and are pretty sure about the other, but your momma is kind of indecisive, and the bad thing about that is that we still have many more weeks to go. The good thing is we can always change our minds because we're not telling anyone until you arrive...

18 weeks and 3 days down...half way there!

One Year Ago Today...and 11w6d

You've graduated from looking like beans to little people! We saw your noses and the outlines of your bodies today for the first time. We also saw a lot of other body parts, well at least they told us they were. Little arms and legs...your heart beats, and the sound of your heart beats for the first time. You guys! You were so squirmy and bouncing all over the place! Baby B, you would hardly stay still long enough for them to take your picture. Your heart beats are 163 and 158...although I can't remember whose was whose. My guess is that one of you, I think Baby B, is a little girl...and Baby A, a little boy. We won't know for at least another 4-8 weeks. I go back again at 16 weeks, and then not again till about 20 weeks - which will be around the first of the year. I sure hope you cooperate next time and we can get a good picture of you so that we can start picking out names and CLOTHES!

Coincidentally, today is your aunt J's birthday...and one year ago today, I asked your dad to marry me while sitting at our kitchen table and drinking champagne. Who would have thought that a year later we'd be looking at our childrens faces for the first time!!!

October 20, 2011: Eight Weeks!

Here you are at 8 weeks, a couple of kidney beans!

Today was kind of bittersweet. At eight weeks pregnant, we officially graduated from the fertility doctor today. I have to admit that going to that office had become a new normal, and now, the thought of not going on the rest of our journey the next 30-some weeks without my fabulous nurse, without the same doctor, without the same familiar faces makes me a little sad. They did a lot to get you here, and you're doing so well!!!!

Today Baby A is measuring 20.5mm, and your heartbeat is 167 bpm. Baby B, you're really catching up! You're at 10.5mm, and your heartbeat is 174 bpm. The doctor was really impressed with how well you're growing!

I'm feeling really pretty well. I keep waiting for morning sickness to be as bad as everyone says, and so far, I've only felt lousy here and there - usually at night, and it's really just kind of more like, nothing sounds really good to eat. At times I just feel like I'm hungover from too much wine, and want to eat cheeseburgers. But most of the time, you have me craving sweet things, like cake. I can't get enough cake right now.

I've only gained 1.2 pounds, but my belly is definitely getting bigger. I put on flannel pajama pants last night that I'm pretty sure won't fit in another week.

I feel my uterus growing on most days. Sitting in my office chair at my desk is a bit more uncomfortable than usual, especially if I lean forward. And I have been sleeping with a big pillow on my side. I have been pretty tired, but even that has subsided a bit this week. I say that, but it's 10:52 a.m. and I just had a huge yawn.

Monday I go to my OB for my first pre-natal visit. Counting down the weeks (4) until we're officially out of the first trimester, and then I can tell the whole world the good news. Right now, only the people who knew what we were going through (our family and closest friends) know. They are super excited. You've already gotten some baby presents too. A couple little bunny hats and shoes and stuffed bunny rabbits from the neighbors, an Eeyore and a Piglet stuffed animal from your great aunt PZ, lots of toys, bottles, and stuff for mom from aunt R, and some beautiful flowers from your super-excited-to-meet-you great aunt K--they were yellow roses and white hydrangeas.

Keep growing my little wonder twins!!!!

October 7, 2011: The Day We First Saw You

Here you are, your first picture, together.

Wow. That shock, that surprise I so desperately wanted to feel for so long has now hit me twice. This morning we had our six-week ultrasound appointment with Dr. K. The appointment was at 9:15, and it was quite busy in the office this morning. We waited patiently for about 30 minutes until they called us back. Everyone seemed to be excited to see us - so I got up on the table, the old routine. Dr. K came in and the ultrasound began. I think I knew almost right away that there wasn't just one of you, but that there were two. He said "well there is one.........and....there is a second." I said "twins!?" and he measured Baby A - you'd be the big one up there on the left. Your dad was there holding my hand. I laughed and couldn't believe it. It really hit me when we saw the heartbeat of Baby A, and I began to cry. Your dad was SO excited. Next we got to take a closer look at Baby B, and you are measuring just a little smaller than your sister/brother. But you look good, and we saw your heartbeat fluttering away.

I didn't expect this, figured because I had one big follicle on that last pre-IUI ultrasound that I was just blessed to be having one. Now, two! It's a blessing so big as your great-Grandma Flossie said "It's almost to big to comprehend." And it is. I feel like I just won the lottery. Your family and our closest friends now know that you are on your way, and they are so excited. We, are so excited. Time to buy a bigger car(s)!

My two little lines! 

My two little buddies...you are truly blessings from God and you doing so well! I pray for you everyday to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong. 34 weeks to go.

Remember This Day - September 19, 2011

This was the day you were convinced wouldn't happen. You were expecting this day to be the day that officially started your "break" from fertility. You had forgotten to take you prenatal vitamins, you barely kept up with your prometrium, and you drank. Like a fish. For the last two weeks. You walked into the doctors office this morning, confident that it was the last time in at least four months that you would be there. You were in and out, in a record ten minutes. You came home, made a 3-egg white omlette with mushrooms, spinach, and onions. Drank a cup of coffee, and started to weed through a flood of emails. At noon you went downstairs and you got on the treadmill, you did the week 2 of the couch to 5k app, plus an extra 25 minutes of walking and running. You burned 376 calories, pounded out 3 miles, and you felt proud of yourself as you pushed through the last five minutes of running straight. You took a shower, you came upstairs, and you heated up lunch. Grilled chicken, 1/2 a cup of black beans, and 1/2 a cup of brown rice. You had just finished that lunch, when at 1:23 the phone rang.

It was a nurse, Shirley, calling from the doctors office (your regular nurse is Italy). She told you you that she had good news, and that test confirmed the one thing you never expected...that you are pregnant.

You are pregnant............

And you broke down and cried, and over and over you said 'oh my God are you serious.' And she said she was. And you exclaimed "but I did everything wrong this time!" And that utter disbelief and flood of emotion washed over you, into the pit of your stomach, and you cried. The news-bearing nurse then told you that you need to come in to have your blood taken again on Wednesday, and then again on Friday, and to continue to take the prometrium for four weeks? Seven weeks? (who knows) how long.  And you hung up. And you cried a few tears, your hands trembled, and you said a silent prayer of thanks to God for hearing all those that came before.

And you called your husband, and told him that he was going to be a father. And you let it wash over you...and you went upstairs to take a pregnancy test just to see for yourself.

For the first time in your life you saw what you always hoped you'd see.

Two lines.