IUI 1: Day 22 - Post IUI Day 9

Man, did I just disappear when the I got to the good stuff? So LexVegas was great and I fully took part in the drunk fest that it was. And then some. And then some more. And then, well, yeah...let's just leave it at that.

SO, I arrived back home on my day 12 in time for my day 13 appoinment to check out my follicles and hormone levels. The news was good: I had a couple mature follicles - which are developed egg sacs with mature eggs. Apparently anything that measures over 20 mm? is considered mature - and I had two of them. Yay, left ovary! I took the shot of Ovidrel on Sunday, April 10. Here is the evidence:

It didn't hurt and I didn't mind giving myself the shot - but I'm kinda weird like that.

I went on Monday to collect my lil' buddies - which was a total fiasco thanks to a booking error by the clinic. Basically, while on my 45-minute drive to collect the little swimmers, my wonderful nurse called because she happened to check the schedule because she saw that I had "triggered" aka - took Ovidrel. So yeah, I actually was scheduled for 2 weeks later! NOT GOOD! After some rearranging she got me in basically down the street from the cryobank, but 4 hours later - which required me to:

1) Drive to get swimmers (8:30 a.m.) - 45-minutes

2) Drive home from swimmer bank - 45-minutes
3) Drive swimmers to clinic to thaw - 45-minutes

4) Wait for swimmers to thaw before being inseminated - 1.5 hours
5) Check cycle stats in cool Doctor program while undressing from the waist down - 2 minutes

6)Get inseminated-10 minutes

7) Drive back home (again) - 45-minutes

To say the least it was a LONG day. So, the procedure itself is super easy and barely feels like anything. It was pretty scary though, driving to the clinic and waiting around. I kept thinking to myself - wow, this could be the last time I'm not a mom. I mean, what if I did get pregnant that day? That would be the last day in my life where I did anything without a child in mind. I was a bundle of nerves, and made a call to my dad for some reassuring prayer and some pre-insemination confidence. It made me feel a lot better. Anyway, the insemination went like this:

- Lay on table
- Doctor reviews donor number 6 times to make sure it's the right one
- Doctor tells me I have 6 million live ones after the thaw
- Strange gynecologic device placed in the nether regions to open my cervix
- Disturbingly long tube inserted into nether regions and contents emptied directly into my primed and awaiting uterus
- Lay on table for 7 minutes while timer slowly counts down
- Drive home. Experience mild cramping.

That's pretty much it. I got to do it again (closer to home and only the thaw/wait an hour and a half) routine on the 12th. It took about 20 seconds from lie on table to emptying of the tube the second time. Scheduled blood test for the 26th.

Anyway, right about now I don't feel any different than normal. I think it's too early to feel pregnant - so right now I just feel really fat. Maybe because I want to shove everything into my mouth, probably as a substitute to the alcohol units I haven't had in about 11 days. Perhaps new world record for me.

I'm taking progesterone 2x daily - and that's a whole different experience that I really won't discuss here. I take that to support a pregnancy if I did, in fact, get knocked up. I'm going to start taking pregnancy tests tomorrow because it should be about the time when the Ovidrel is out of my system (it will give false positive until it's completely out of my system). Anyway, won't know for sure until a week from today.

Update: 4/20 at 11:10 - day after I wrote the above (thanks to a Red Eye from SLC via LAX) - took my first pregnancy test today. Very clearly NEGATIVE--no hints or faint additional lines. So, that definitively means the HCG/Ovidrel is out of my system...doesn't mean I'm not pregnant (blood test will be the final rule of thumb), but it's not looking like this cycle will be a one-and-done kind of thing...

IUI 1: Day 10 - The Last Hoorah?

Heading to LexVegas today for the girls weekend. Wouldn't it be totally ironic if this weekend was the last hoorah? Getting to be with my best friends, in my favorite city that I used to call home, carefree and wild - for the last time (at least for a good long time).

Sunday is the day we'll know if it's 'trigger' time...I'm so nervous.

Back soon...

IUI 1: Day 8 - Clomid Makes Me Crazy

I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck at 40 mph. I haven't wanted to do anything much more than sleep since late Sunday. I'm experiencing mood swings!!!!!, headache, nausea, some depression, oh and the hot flashes they are awesome! I would curl up on the couch or my bed right now if given the opportunity (or if I didn't have to hold down a J-O-B. Pretty much I feel absolutely lousy and I'm glad tonight is the last pill.

I leave in 2 days for LexVegas, and I'm feeling  a little mixed up about it. I really can't wait to see my friends -- some of whom I haven't seen in several years. But I am kind of dreading the inevitable - it will be a total drunk fest on Friday from sun up to sun down. I am worried I'll enjoy myself so much that I'll forget that I'm trying to get preggo 2 days later! Who knows, maybe this good-time gal will learn how to control herself and stick to water instead of 400 Miller Lites and a pack of smokes.

The last few days of craziness have had me stuck inside my head again and I've come to the realization that I'm compartmentalizing my feelings and still scared of what next week will bring. I know that I do want to have children, but I'm scared of becoming a mother--I'm scared of not being a good mother. I'm scared that I will always be selfish and that I won't grow up. I don't want to be scared or selfish. I want to be a good mother who makes good choices. I decided to start seeing a therapist to have someone to talk to about this process and about some of my other vices that I won't go into here. I can't get into see her until the 20th of this month, but at least I have it to look towards.

This time next week I may have had my two IUI's and I'll be in waiting mode. I'm scared and anxious. But I have hope that it will work and a new chapter will begin - and I will begin again, too, in the right direction.

IUI 1: Days 3 & 4 - Bring on the meds

Had the bloodwork and ultrasound done yesterday (day 3). Also, provided our credit card for that $1,600 charge that gets us ONE cycle of treatment. Of course, it's a lot less than IVF - which is about $16-20K - and our insurance sadly does not cover any fertility treatments. Let's hope that IUI will be successful and we don't have to go that IVF route!!! I'm starting the Clomid today - and a little nervous about the deluge of hormones that are about to flood my body. At the end of the 5 days I'll probably be updating from the couch where I have been eating french fries and ice cream, crying uncontrollably, and yelling at JF to stop doing something. Oy. (Sorry, honey in advance for the crazy beotch I'm bound to become).

Ain't no stopping us now!

IUI 1: Day 1

As soon as I hit "publish post" I got my period. Literally.

So, today is officially "day 1" and the ride is beginning. I wasn't expecting to start for another couple days, so it's a bit of a shock and a bit of bad timing. See, April was my big month of travel...and I thought, until today, that with the timing of things I'd have one free and clear week that coincides perfectly without me travelling...and well, now that day 1 is here - my day 12 lands smack in the middle of a trip that has long been planned and anticipated...a trip 'home' to LexVegas for a reunion of many friends. After some freaking out - and a call to SEDW and Vee, I was able to find out from my nurse and doctor that a slight change in my schedule (on both mine and the treatment parts) should allow a nice compromise. I'll go to LexVegas as planned, but come home a day early...just starting my Clomid one day later - so that I can trigger on day 13. That means as of right now, and assuming I'm all systems go on day 13 - we'll do the IUI on April 11 and 12th!

It's so crazy how fast this train is moving. Almost like there hasn't been a second to question or to even slow down...we've just been going full steam ahead ever since our first appointment (it was a month ago today). It's also amazing to me to think of the full gamut of emotions I have felt in that time. Confused, sad, anxious, irritable, overwhelmed, excited, ready...

...and, today I know one thing: I am ready.

It's Almost Time and How We're Making a Baby...

Yesterday, we had our follow up appointment with the doctor who explained that all my tests came back great for someone my age (34). He explained that the normal egg (or follicle?) count for someone under 35 is 10-20, I have 11. My HSG (test to make sure the ovaries are not blocked) showed everything looking good, no blockages, bloodwork all fine, and wouldn't you know it? My uterus looks good, too. Woot.

Now that we know more about my insides than I ever thought I would, we are going to go through our first cycle of IUI starting with my next menstral cycle, which should start any day. The doctor, who I like more and more every single time I see him, explained the process:

• The first day of my period, I will call to make an appointment to come in on day 3
• Day 3: Ultrasound and bloodwork
• Days 3-7: Take 50mg of Clomid to help stimulate egg production
• Day 12: Ultrasound
• On day 12 they will determine if I am beginning to come into ovulation or if I need another day or two - if I need more time, I will come back for another ultrasound, then on day 12 or a couple days later--when my body says I'm "ready" I will give myself a shot of Ovudril (HCG) that will trigger the release of the egg
• I call the sperm bank to go pick up our little swimmers!
• The two days after the "trigger shot" I will go for IUI
• I take prometrium (progesterone) to help support a pregnancy for 14 days while we wait to see if the procedure was successsful--only confirmed by a blood test

If the procedure wasn't successful, they will take me off the prometrium - which will trigger my period and we'll start the cycle all over again.

I was a little skeptical thinking that we'd have to wait until May to start, because I'm travelling every other week right now for work...and travelling a LOT in April. But, I believe I'm likely to begin my cycle this week - a little earlier than thought - so it looks like I'll be able to make some changes to my schedule and go through the first round this month!

I'm a little nervous, a lot excited, and really ready to begin. I'm not expecting the IUI to work the first time, it's only about a 20% chance--about the same as trying naturally. We will go through this treatment regime for 3 cycles. If we are not pregnant after 3 cycles then we'd go to a little more agressive IUI. We have not considered IVF at this time - mostly because it looks like I will be ok (in theory) and that in this controlled environment it's considered ideal.

We also selected our donor and bought 9 vials of sperm last week. I used to look for boys to date online, but there is something much more bizarre about going online to find a sperm donor!!! More on that to come...but for now, we wait for the one last thing that mother nature will be able to do on her own here...tell us it's time to begin.

Becoming 760122

It's been about a month since we found out that we would need to pursue fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. I think it was the day after JF's results came back, after we talked about what choice we wanted to make, that JF called the fertility doctor. We made an appointment for the next week, and went to meet the doctor. I remember that they explained that I would need to have a lot of tests done in order to understand my cycle's and make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with me. The nurse explained that I would need to have three procedures to look at my ovaries, my uterus, and to make sure that my ovaries weren't blocked. We also had to get bloodwork done and we had to do all of the tests in a certain order, on certain days. I left that appointment and was completely overwhelmed.

I can't explain what it felt like to be thrust into an immediate whirlwind. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy process, and I was thankful that at least our problem had a foreseeable solution...but what I felt like that cold, February morning is that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I'm not sure if overhwelmed is the right word, because I felt like my head was spinning, that I needed to compartmentalize the reality of it all. I was scared. I was sad. I was tumbling, stumbling, and drowning after only the first appointment.

That was the day I became 760122, my patient ID at the fertility clinic. I didn't know the number that day, but I sure felt like that's what I was becoming: just another cog in a great big wheel that was turning my world upside down. The day I became 760122, I think that what made it feel so huge is that I walked in a curious bystander, but walked out on a much different path: the path to become a mother.